NHL Players Who Should Not Be Featured on the Star-Cam

The members of NHLEF were viewing the Washington Capitals even up the series against the New York Rangers on NBC. Apparently, TSN was too cheap to do the game themselves, but Pierre McGuire was still able to make an appearance and annoy the hell of the NHLEF staff. But let’s get Pierre off our minds and focus on the task at hand. NBC has a “Star-Cam” feature, which had a camera on perennial All-Star Alexander Ovechkin at all times. As NBC was showing off this feature and expressing how cool it was, the NHLEF immediately made fun of it and agreed that it should be the topic of our new blog post. The Star-Cam is for great players like Ovechkin, who deserve to have the general public watch them at all times during a game, on the bench, on the ice, in the bathroom, fans are just that curious. However, with the amount of average and below average players in the league there are numerous players that should not be featured in this Americanized gimmick. So here are just a few of our picks for NHL players who should NOT be featured on NBC’s Star-Cam:

Rod Brind'amour- One of the grittiest, hardest working, ugliest players to play the game of hockey. As a dude, I don’t judge male beauty often, but Rod is an exception. His nose has been broken at least 92 times and counting. If he were to be on camera for a full game length viewers would be turning off their television sets in droves and looking for the nearest toilet to vomit in.

Dion Phanuef- Elisha Cuthbert should be.

George Parros- This goes for all goons in general really. He only plays a total of 4 minutes in a 60 minute game, so if he were the Star-Cam, there would be massive observing of sitting on the bench and in the penalty box. Sure we all love Parros’s wicked moustache, but do we need to see him trim that bad boy and try to get blood, ice, and spit out of it? No, we don’t. But I am sure it’s task and a half.

Brian Lee- Who honestly cares what this terrible excuse for a puck-moving defenseman is doing? No one, that’s who.

Mike Fisher- Carrie Underwood should be.

Jarko Ruutu- Not really a goon, but an agitator, this Ottawa Senators forward should stay away from the cameras at all costs. No one wants to see him yell obscenities to the opposition for a full game, even when he is in the penalty box. He also has a tendency to eat his jersey, water bottle, and Andrew Peters right hand, so a lot of the time him on camera would just create an awkward for him and the viewer, until that viewer got hungry and chewed at their friends arm.

Kevyn Adams- This 4th line wonder has served time with the Leafs, Blue Jackets, Panthers, Hurricanes, Coyotes, and most recently the Black Hawks. Now most 4th liners are not worthy of the Star-Cam, but this guy should never have a camera on him at all. This is because of the fact that he is cross-eyed. Now it’s not the NHLEF’s goal to make fun of physical disabilities, however, when he is on camera, the viewer inevitably says “What the hell is wrong with this guys eyes?” Trust me; my father said this during an Adams interview on Hockey Night in Canada. As a result, to avoid this politically incorrect question, he should not be seen on camera, ever.

Jerret Stoll- Rachel Hunter should be.

Pavel Datsyuk- Sure he has sick skills, but have you ever heard him talk? No. Therefore he would be incredibly boring to watch sitting on the bench when he isn’t putting a show on the ice. He can’t speak English, so mingling with teammates and hot female fans is out of the question. He also can’t yell at the referees which is funny most of the time. This goes for other Russians, Fins, and Slovaks who can’t speak English. Malkin anyone?

Any Player on the Toronto Maple Leafs- There is not one player that is worth the time and effort of a cameraman to film them for an entire game, since they are all brutal, not entertaining, and repulsive to the human eye. Brain Burke is the only Leaf who would be considered to go on the Star-Cam for the team.

Mike Comrie- Hilary Duff should be.

There you have it, an excuse to briefly discuss some of the attractive female stars some NHLers are currently escorting on dates and the NHLEF’s picks for NHL players who should NOT be featured on NBC’s Star-Cam. We probably missed about 378 players, so feel free to comment and tell us who else should stay away from a camera that is attempting to only film them. Or maybe we can just get rid of this feature? Here me NBC?...........No answered, so I guess it’s here to stay, at least for the 2009 playoffs. NHLEF OUT