NHL Player's That You Would Like To Start A Business With

Every person in civilization has a wide variety of interests and hobbies, and NHLers are no different. They have other passions and desires other than playing hockey and trying (and mostly failing) to win the Stanley Cup. With hockey players’ great amount of disposable income, it makes sense that people would want to team up with a NHL star to start a new business. With this said, here is the NHL-EF’s picks for the NHL’s most desirable business partners.

Zdeno Chara: Big and Tall Shoppe
This Slovak is a giant at 6’9 and weighing in at 255 pounds. When he is on the ice, there is no missing him. He might as well count as a 7th defenseman on a roster. Needless to say, finding clothes for him is a daunting task. That is why he would be the perfect asset to develop a revolutionary big and tall retail outlet. Here suits, athletic outfits, shoes, and extra, extra, extra large condoms would be sold. Even though, finding people as tall as the Big Z are hard to find, looking at giant clothing and colossal condoms are enough to generate a successful business.

Sean Avery: Fashion Line
It has been publicised that Mr. Avery has a high interest in the fashion field, and that is the business that he would be best suited for, since punching people, yelling obscenities, and sitting alone on a bench, has yet to proven as a successful way of life. With Avery’s expertise in fashion and his take no-nonsense attitude, the business would, no doubt, be a success. Also, with his connections to hot looking women, who he referred to as “sloppy seconds,” he also knows what women want and need to wear to look good, because, let’s face it, the fashion industry would not exist if it was not for women and their obsession with clothes.

Mike Fisher: Country Music Production
Unless you’ve been living under a rock, most hockey fans know that Senators energy catalyst, Mike Fisher is dating the pretty ok looking and country music superstar, Carrie Underwood. Both have a passion for country music obviously, even though it’s hard to believe, since country music should not exist. These two would no doubt create a successful country recording studio and production team. To be brutally honest, the only reason I wrote this was to mention Carrie Underwood. It should also be noted that she looks ten times better at hockey games then performing. Just keep the look natural Carrie, call me.

Sidney Crosby: Hockey Equipment Brand
Sid The Kid is possibly the most recognizable face and name in hockey today. He already has his name connected to brands such as Reebok. With his knowledge of the game and hockey equipment, he would most certainly help an average Joe in succeeding in the hockey equipment industry. During games, he would not only wear the equipment, but also wear company logos and slogans on his jersey, helmet, skates, and jock strap, because any advertising is good advertising.

Jason Spezza: Jewellery Distribution
If you watch Ottawa Senators games in the Ottawa area, you will undoubtedly observe a Jubilee Fine Jewellers advertisement which includes Senators (fumbling) star, Jason Spezza. He looks pretty foolish to be honest, with the dramatic turns of the head in slow motion, posing with his hockey stick (not a play on words, it’s actually his hockey stick, you sick bastard), and the awkward displaying of a watch, which may or may not work, with some old chick. Nevertheless, Spezza has a great deal of experience in the jewellery field, which makes him the prime NHLer to team up with if jewellery is your game.

Jeremy Roenick: Acting Agency
Jeremy Roenick is known for his outlandish remarks towards referees and other NHL players. He is not afraid to look foolish in front of others, whether it’s singing ABBA’s Dancing Queen and Enrique Iglesias’s Hero on Off The Record with Michael Lansberg or throwing water bottles at referees while bleeding profusely, JR loves the camera. I think he also guest stared on some crap show who didn’t know who he was, and casted him as a baseball player, but anyway, JR would make a tremendous mind to spot new talent that can star in Hollywood movies or be the next Don Cherry.

Mats Sundin: Hair Restoration Clinic
This Swede is most recognizable as a huge, overweight, bald man, who was somehow decent at hockey a couple of years ago. But he, like many men, has experienced the effects of massive hair loss. With Sundin’s large bank account, he could most certainly purchase a hair restoration clinic, get hair for himself, and then assist other bald, overweight, playoff blowers to regain their long lost manes.

Marian Gaborik: Groin Injury Prevention
This Minnesota (might be a different city come July 1st) sniper only plays about 15 games a season, scores 30 points, and the rest of the season suffers from severe groin injuries. Whether he is trying way too hard during games or engaging in too much sexual activity with women (or men), he’s always receiving groin treatment. Therefore, he would ultimately be a great asset to team up with for the fight against groin injuries. Sure he can put his money into finding a cure for cancer, starving children, or teen mothers, but the only epidemic he has personally faced is the issue of weak groins, and would love to find a cure for it, and once he does, he will be even more rich and so will anyone who teams up with him and his endeavours.

Andrei and Sergei Kostitsyn: Drug Trafficking
Okay, we all know drug trafficking is illegal, but it is extremely profitable if you don’t get caught. This is why so many people engage in this practice in the first place. Also to get high, but that’s for another blog. Andrei and Sergei Kostitsyn are the Montreal Canadians poor attempt to get their own Sedin brothers. Seeing as they aren’t all that great at hockey, they realize that their career in the big leagues will not be long, so they have already dived into the drug trafficking world. They kind of got caught, but got off, so they now know what NOT to do. With this learning curve, the next time they will no doubt, succeed in selling and disturbing banned substances to guys who are mostly living in a shopping cart in front of a corner store in Montreal. In closing, team up with this brother team as soon as possible, if you say yes to drugs.

So there you have it, numerous possible business partners and possible businesses, some more realistic than others. It should be noted that an entire other post could be written on why these men are NOT players you’d want to start a business with, but the NHL-EF only has so much time on their hands, so we will ask you, the seven people who read our blog, to contribute, and state why these men are not worthy business partners and who else would be. NHL-EF OUT.