Eric Lindros and His Career As Seen On Twitter

Twitter is the new big thing on the internet nowadays. It lets people post what is on their mind and what they are doing at anytime, these updates are known as Tweets. That’s pretty much it. As useless as Twitter may sound, millions of people around the world are doing it. So we at the NHLEF thought it would be cool to see what a hockey players Twitter updates would have been throughout their career. You've already seen Alexander Daigles' so, here are Eric Lindros' Twitter updates throughout his eventful hockey career.

January 6, 1989- Wow, people are calling me “The Next One” I am so good at hockey.

June 19, 1991- I am the projected 1st overall pick in this years Entry Draft by a land slide!! I am so awesome!

June 20, 1991- Crap, the Nordiques have the 1st overall pick.

June 21, 1991- I will never play for the Nordiques!

June 22, 1991- Crap, I got drafted by the Nordiques.

June 23, 1991- Screw you Nordiques, I am playing in the OHL again until you trade me.

April 29, 1992- 97 goals and 119 assists for a total of 216 points in 95 games played in my career for the Oshawa Generals, I am pretty proud of myself, I am larger than life.

July 4, 1992- Finally got traded, heading to the New York Rangers for Doug Weight, Tony Amonte, Alexei Kovalev, John Vanbiesbrouck, three first round draft picks and $12 million!!

July 5, 1992- Wait, I got traded to the Philadelphia Flyers for Peter Forsberg, Ron Hextall, Chris Simon, Mike Ricci, Kerry Huffman, Steve Duchesne, two first round selections and $15 million cash!

July 6, 1992- I don’t know what team I am on, Quebec, Philly, or New York?!?! The Nordiques do not know how to do anything.

July 14, 1992- I am a Flyer, finally! Have fun in stinky Quebec Peter Forsberg, Ron Hextall, Chris Simon, Mike Ricci, Kerry Huffman, Steve Duchesne!! HAHA

July 20, 1995- Hart Trophy Winner!! I don’t care if the season got cut short, I am still awesome.

September 2, 1995- The Nordiques are moving to Colorado?!?! I would have played there!! Oh well, the team is still brutal. I’ll win I Cup before them.

December 6, 1995- Avalanche acquire Patrick Roy! He is a good goalie. Still won’t help that joke of a team.

May 28, 1996- Eliminated from the Playoffs again. Next year is the year.

June 21, 1996- Crap! Avalanche win the Stanley Cup. That could have been me. I’ll get mine soon.

June 5, 1997- Stanley Cup Finals!! Only four more wins until my Cup!

June 20, 1997- We got swept, there is always next year. Congrats Detroit.

January 5, 1998- I am ranked number 54 on The Hockey News' list of the 100 Greatest Hockey Players of all time!!

February 6, 1998- Bobby Clarke is starting to really grind my gears.

February 23, 1998- Eff you Darius Kasparaitis for giving me a concussion. My head hurts.


April 1, 1999- Ouch my ribs!

April 2, 1999- I had a collapsed lung caused by internal bleeding, Flyers, I really shouldn’t play hockey for awhile. Stop telling me I should. These team doctors are useless.

October 2, 1999- Flyers took my “C” away for bad mouthing the team doctors. I am beginning to dislike this franchise.

November 5, 1999- Ouch my head. Another concussion.

Feburary 7, 2000- Another concussion.

April 27, 2000- I think I need a new helmet…another concussion.


May 20, 2000- I am going to return from my concussion and help beat the New Jersey Devils!!

May 21, 2000- Eff you Scott Stevens!! You gave me another concussion!! I guess I wasn’t ready to return to game action.

May 23, 2000- Eliminated from playoffs, I think my days with Bobby Clarke and Philly are over!!

October 5, 2000- I am sitting out this season until I get traded to Toronto preferably!

June 21, 2001- Crap! Colorado won the Cup, again! I may have made the wrong decision 10 years ago.

August 20, 2001- Traded to New York Rangers!! Not Toronto, but better than Philly. Seeya Bobby Clarke!!


February 23, 2004- Eighth career concussion. Helmets do nothing.


June 25, 2005- I will never win a Cup with the Rangers, I am out of here!

August 5, 2005- I finally get to play for the Leafs!

April 7, 2006- That was a crappy season. I am done with the Leafs.

August 2, 2006- I am going to be playing in Dallas this upcoming season! Comeback and Cup, here I come.


May 1, 2007- Out of the playoffs. Stanley Cups are hard to get. But hey, at least I nailed Kate Hudson!

November 8, 2007- I am done with hockey. I should have stuck with the Nordiques.

NHLEF OUT

Toews or Kane? A New, More Serious Article, by the NHL-EF

Marian Hossa was perhaps the biggest free agent signing this off-season when he inked a 12 year, $62.8 million contract. For the purposes of next season, this is a great signing and makes the young team from Chicago instant Cup contenders, if they weren’t already. Hossa is by far a more superior player than the talented, yet, injury prone, Martin Havlat, who they chose to let walk away. This was even the case when they both played for the Ottawa Senators. Therefore, it is an instant improvement for Chicago.

However, as most people have figured out, after the 2009/2010 campaign, the Blackhawks will have some decisions to make in terms of who stays and who goes. Chicago’s top two young guns, Jonathan Toews and Patrick Kane are up for restricted free agency. Both will want long-term contracts that will pay them at least $6 million a season, but probably closer to $7 million. With all of the young talent on Chicago being signed this summer and with all of the other contracts they must stick with for awhile, such as Cristobal Huets and Brian Campbell’s *cough* ridiculous *cough* contracts, they won’t be able to keep them both.

We have all heard who would you rather have, Crosby or Ovechkin, but now the new and realistic debate should be: Would you rather have Toews or Kane to lead your team for the next 10-15 years? Let the NHLEF begin the debate for you.

Winnipeg native, Jonathan Toews was drafted 3^rd overall in 2006 by the Hawks and has had two successful seasons under his belt already. His career stats are admiral with 146 games played, 58 goals, 65 assists, for a total of 123 points. His career +/- is +23, which isn’t too shabby. Toews is a skilled centre who can both set up and score goals. He is currently the captain of the young Blackhawk team and led them to Western Conference Final in 2009 racking up 13 points in 17 playoff games, which isn’t terrible for a players’ first time in the Stanley Cup Playoffs.

Buffalo native, Patrick Kane was drafted 1^st overall by the Hawks in 2007. He is a skilled winger who has had immediate success in the NHL. He won the Calder Trophy in 2008 for being the leagues top rookie player. His career stats over two seasons are impressive with 162 games under his belt and notching 46 goals and 96 assists for a total of 142 points. His career +/- is not as impressive at -7. He, like Toews, also performed well in his first experience with Playoff Hockey notching 14 points in 17 games. Kane has been more of a playmaker, than a sniper, so far in his NHL career.

So those are the facts. Now it’s time to determine who Chicago should keep and who they should part ways with. Kane is indeed a great offensive power and can contribute points at key times, in key games. Toews is also a great offensive power who can also play under pressure. Both have yet to reach their full offensive potential thus far in their NHL careers, but they surely will soon. As mentioned, Toews can shoot and pass, so he is a double threat. Kane on the other hand, is more of a playmaker, and therefore benefits from having skilled snipers to play with, and without that, he can become quite ineffective. In terms of offensive attributes, you have to give the edge to Toews.

Defensively speaking, both players need work in their own zone, which is the case with most young, skilled players. For what it is worth Toews has by far the better +/- compared to Kane, which can support the argument that he more defensive minded than Kane. Therefore, you can give Toews the defensive edge as well.

In the new NHL, marketability is key for a franchise (and the league) to be successful. Therefore, examining which of these two young stars is more marketable is important. Toews is a quiet, genuine, Canadian. He is not seen as the top player in the game, but he is very good. In Canada his marketability is sufficed, especially after his heroics in the shootout against the Americans in the World Junior Championships, which every Canada enjoys watching. Other than that, his marketability in the USA is pretty much non-existent, which is not good if that’s where your trying to expand you fan base. Kane on the other hand has marketing in his veins. He is a fun loving kid who fans love to connect with. He is one of the top American born players in the game today. And he is the new cover boy of EA Sports NHL 10, an honor that he can share with Alexander Ovechkin. So if marketability is the way to go, you would be best suited to keep Patrick Kane.

Leadership is probably the most important item to take into account when comparing these two, since who ever will be chosen to stay, will lead the Hawks for the next 10 years or so. Toews and Kane have both been leaders and captains on teams that they have played for in their hockey careers before the NHL, so it is nothing new to them. Toews currently holds the captaincy for the young Hawk team, and the team has performed well under his leadership. Many people, including myself, feel that this insures that Toews is the man of the future and Kane will be looking for a new home after next season. However, as trivial as this argument may be, Kane is American and Toews is Canadian. Canadians are generally seen as captains on NHL teams, it’s just a fact. However, the argument I am going to try and make is that Kane can be a next generation Mike Madano, an American captain, leading an American based team. Kane would probably excel under this opportunity if he was given the “C” in Chicago. But nevertheless, Toews has already proved he is a leader and could most likely become a next generation Steve Yzerman, a Canadian leading an original six team. In leadership, Towes also takes the cake.

So there you have it, Toews should stay and Kane should go. And if this indeed happens, look for the Maple Leafs to try hard to get Kane, although Brian Burke would rather have Toews. But that debate is for another day. I think most people would support this point of view that I have put forward, but I am sure there are plenty of people who want to see Patrick Kane playing with his mouth guard in a Hawks uniform. So let’s hear it NHLEF readers! Would you rather have Jonathan Toews or Patrick Kane? NHLEF OUT

Alex Daigle's Twitter Roll

With apologies to Wikipedia, who have compiled an impressive list of Daigle’s accomplishments, I will attempt to summarize, using entries from Alex’s personal Twitter feed.

February, 1993
Super_Alex: The Sens are losing games on purpose in order to draft me! God I’m so hot right now.

May, 1993
Super_awesomealex: The Nordiques just offered the Sens Peter Forsberg, Owen Nolan and Quebec remaining a part of Canada for the right to draft me! The boys running the country declined! They’re so smart and I’m effing unreal!

July, 1993
Unreal_Alex: Just got home from the draft, went to Ott, obv. Take that Pronger and Kariya, you guys suck, I don’t even try and I’m way better. Go Sens go, thanks for the 5-year $12.25 contract. (thats million, not my hourly salary)

January, 1994
RichAss_Alex: I’m so famous, and I don’t even have to try. They put me on posters of everything here, even though Yashin is way better than me in every bit of the game. Screw hockey, I loooooooooveeee accccccccciiiidddd.*0-9rguj803n










Alex on acid. This is a picture provided by one of his close friends.


July, 1995
Daigle_Masta: Yashin holds out ‘cause he isn’t gettin’ paid as much. What a meatball, I’m the big cheese and I’m on the 4th line. Sucka!











Alex and Alexei, two superstars in the making

August, 1997
Logo_Daig: I’m on the Sens 3rd Jersey! No big deal or nuthin’, picking up the ladiezzz at da barzzz is a joke, kind of like me playing hockey.

January, 1998
Dead_Alex: Hmm, 74 goals in 4.5 seasons? Pretty much the next Wayne G right here, Philly knows it, and Ott just gave up on me. For Vaclav Prospal, what a gongshow, but I’m still getting dumptruck loads of money. Texted Pam last night, shes down for a good time.

April, 1998
Waived_Alex: Flyers, screw them! Oil? Who cares about that freezing dead end city! TBay – no one ever knows what hockey is! The Rangers – I’m the best dude on the team! Eff this noise, I’m the next Woody Allen. Or Bruce Willis! Or Marilyn Monroe! Got sloppy with Pam last night – think I managed to hook that fish.







Pam Anderson without Alex Daigle


June, 1998
Actor_Alex: Only played hockey cause i was sick-as at it - ***k you guys!

July 2002
burnout_D: I have no idea where i was the last 4 years - any1 got an idea?? Looking for: NHL team paying money to smack-addicted self-obsessed no-talent garbagomanic to pwn in pre-season and then fall flat on his face. Msg me.

July 2003
Wild_Daigle: The Pens fell for it last year, and the Wild this year. Yeaaaaah aycheques for nothin'!

April 2004
Sniper_Alex: Just led the Mild in points! 51! Tied career high! I don't suck afterall, even though this team does! Ohgodwheresmyacid.,.,oeingjieugb

March 2006
Waived_Alex2: Waived again. FML. But I'm not done yet!!! Europe doesn't know I'm a waste of space!!



As you can see, Alex Daigle led a very healthy, fantastic, yet chaotic life. He is an example to be followed, revered and possibly even worshipped. Now, the NHL-EF has taken a new turn, one with more serious articles - is this one of them?? Only the readers will tell... NHL-EF OUT!

A New Direction for the NHL-EF

If you check the NHL-EF page regularly, you will have noticed a lack of new articles in general. Truth be told, there is a real good explanation for this. The NHL-EF is expanding and taking on a whole new attitude towards sports journalism! Also, working full-time in the summer, playing soccer, and drinking large amounts of alcohol also contributed to the lack of articles, but we like the first excuse better. Therefore, you can expect a new look, new articles, new media, and new contributors to the NHL-EF world. This post is merely to prepare you, the reader, what you can expect in the weeks to come. So in typical list format, here is what you can look forward to from your favorite source for hockey related articles.

- The NHL-EF will be taking a more serious attitude towards the articles that are produced. Subjects such as; was the Marian Gaborik signing a good signing? And; why the heck is Alex Tanguay still available? Now you may say, “But hey!! I love reading the funny articles about Pierre McGuire, potential Habs owners, and the funny names of the NHL; I want to keep reading stuff like that!!” Not to worry you immature readers, the NHL-EF will continue to produce funny articles, but now you can expect the same amount of funny articles along with numerous, slightly more serious articles. This just means more new articles for your reading pleasure.

- We are going to be taking on a new look. None of us are sure what this new look will be or how to do it, but we agree that in recreating the NHLEF, we must have some kind of new look. Maybe a fancy logo is in the works? Maybe some kind of slogan will be created? You’ll just have to wait and find out for yourself.

- We are expanding our staff. You may have noticed a classified ad posted on the NHL-EF site recently for new contributors. Not many people applied, which is kind of a let down, but it’s there. We already have one new contributor lined up and ready to go, making our staff from a measly 2 dudes to an impressive 3 musketeers. All of whom don’t really agree on what teams and/or players are good and/or bad. We are still looking for an office space however, so if anyone knows of any wicked office going for about $0 per month, let us know ASAP.

- New types of articles. Now, we at the NHL-EF have realized that reading large blocks of text can get tiring, annoying, and create confusion between schoolwork and leisure, so we are going to implement new types of articles that incorporate different types of media. We have been toying with ideas about articles that include photo, video, and audio, which we steal from the web and post here. Personally, I would love to see the wives of NHLers article with photos and I am sure many others would as well. Also, you never know, we might not steal media from the web, we might make our very own little video or photo shoot to post. That might sound a little weird and sketchy, but who cares.

So those are the changes you can expect to see upcoming for the insanely awesome blog that is the NHLEF. If you guys out there have any ideas for us to implement, we want to hear them, then reject them, and laugh at your face. With these new improvements we at the NHLEF hope to become the next big thing in NHL journalism and rival the Hockey News itself and maybe one of us can replace Pierre McGuire on the NHL on TSN panel. Just putting that out there. NHLEF OUT!

2010 Team Canadas

Since projections for the 2010 Team Canada roster are all the rage nowadays, I thought I would get in on the action. But with so many great players to choose from, I just couldn’t stop at one team. If we were allowed to bring three teams to Vancouver, these would be the Gold, Silver, and 4^th Place teams, respectively (Sweden would obviously beat the “C” Team, right?). So here they are, with players in the order in which I thought of them.

 

A Team	B Team	C Team
Forward	Forward	Forward
Sidney Crosby	Joe Thornton	Mike Ribeiro
Eric Staal	Marc Savard	Ray Whitney
Jarome Iginla	Jason Spezza	Corey Perry
Rick Nash	Dany Heatley	Brad Boyes
Ryan Smyth	Steve Stamkos	Andy MacDonald
Shane Doan	Patrick Marleau	Paul Kariya
Vincent Lecavalier	Patrick Sharp	Jason Pominville
Martin St. Louis	Johnathon Toews	J.P. Dumont
Milan Lucic	Simon Gagne	Jason Arnott
Mike Richards	Derek Roy	Scott Hartnell
Jeff Carter	Jordan Staal	Paul Stastny
Ryan Getzlaf	Mike Camalleri	John Tavares
Defence	Defence	Defence
Scott Niedermayer	Mike Green	Ed Jovanovski
Chris Pronger	Brian Campbell	Bryan McCabe
Rob Blake	Duncan Keith	Ian White
Dan Boyle	Jay Bouwmeester	Drew Doughty
Shea Weber	Kevin Bieksa	Luke Schenn
Dion Phaneuf	Brent Seabrook	Dennis Wideman
Goal	Goal	Goal
Martin Brodeur	Steve Mason	J.S. Giguere
Roberto Luongo	Cam Ward	Mike Smith
Marc-Andre Fleury	Chris Osgood	Carey Price

 

For my “A” Team I decided to go with players with proven track records of winning. Altogether there’s about 16 Stanley Cup rings, 10 World Championships, and a few Olympic Gold medals in there, and that’s just Scott Niedermayer. For this reason some players who may be more skilled but with reputations for shitting the bed when it counts the most (cough Joe Thornton) were left off to my “B” Team.

So let’s see the comments pour in from all you people who disagree with me saying who I should have put where and whose name I might have spelled wrong. I welcome your efforts to prove you’re smarter than I am, no matter how futile those efforts may be.

NHLEF 2008/2009 Awards

So the season is over, the Stanley Cup has been awarded to the best team in the NHL. Now that the team concept is done with, its individuals time to shine. This is the main point of the NHL awards, to show off who are the actual great NHL players, not the Maxim Talbots and Justin Abdelkaders of the league. For some reason, the awards ceremonies are in Las Vegas this year, instead of hockey hungry Toronto, but it will be here where the Norris trophy winner for best defenseman and the Heart trophy for most valuable player will be awarded. Although these awards are difficult to win and are very extravagant, they are not in the least bit funny. But never fear, the NHLEF is here. We would like to present the first ever NHLEF Awards. Which is basically just another blog post, but in award form. You won’t find any Ron Mclean stand up comedy routines, Russians struggling their way through their acceptance speeches, or awful performances Finger Eleven here, but we hope it will be just as entertaining.

The “I Got Injured Again” Award
Awarded to the player who watches more games than plays in on a consistent basis, with the same recurring injury.
Winner: Marian Gaborik
The NHLEF is proud to present this award to the Minnesota sniper, who only played 17 games, but was able to rack up 23 points. He was unable to play an entire season due to his reoccurring groin injury, which has plagued him his entire career. Whether this is due to not stretching properly before games or engaging in too many sexual acts with women he just can’t seem to keep that groin intact.
Runners up:
Daniel Briere- Also had groin issues this NHL season.
Carlo Coliacovo- Got traded to the Blues because of his reoccurring injuries in Toronto. Once traded, his injured ways ceased to exist.

The “I Got On Sports Centre for the Wrong Reason” Award
Awarded to the player whose highlight consisted of an embarrassing act which makes everyone laugh out loud and is seen several times within a 30 minute program.
Winner: Ryan O’Byrne
The NHLEF is proud to present this award to the young Habs defenseman, who was able to score his only goal of the season into his own net, against the lowly New York Islanders, when the Habs pulled the goalie to get an extra attacker on the ice. The highlight was seen numerous times on Sports Centre shortly after, much to the delight of hockey fans everywhere who were not Canadians faithfuls.
Runners up:
Jason Smith- Threw puck at Todd Marchant, it hit Marchant, deflected and went the opposite way Smyth was intending, and sailed past Alex Auld for a very unorthodox goal.
Vesa Toskala- Pretty much any goal on him is hilarious, and Sports Centre blooper worthy.

The “I Fight Like a Girl” Award
Awarded to the player who drops the gloves and looses his manliness at the same time.
Winner: Alexander Semin
The NHLEF is proud to present this award to the Washington Capitals other Russian Sniper, who went toe to toe with the gritty New York Ranger Mark Staal. He won this award by a landslide. The fight was pretty average until Staal slipped, fell, and Semin took advantage of him being flat on the ice, by taking a series of girly punches/slaps to the back to Staal. TSN babe, I mean, anchor, Holly Horton, said it best, when she said, “Semin wins the fight…but looses his dignity in the process.”
Runners up:
Scott Walker- Sucker punched Aaron Ward. Only girls throw sucker punches.
Evgani Malkin- Threw about 6 punches at Zetterberg, while he still had a stick (basically a purse) in his hand, before actually fighting the guy.

The “Celebrity Girlfriend” Award
Awarded to the player who manages to score with a female celebrity that regular men can only dream about.
Winner: Mike Fisher
The NHLEF is proud to present this award to Ottawa Senators grinder who somehow managed to have an intimate relationship with American Idol champ and country music star, Carrie Underwood. Underwood has both looks and a career going for her right now and therefore is a major reason why Fisher is accepting this award. Their relationship has made headlines all over Ottawa and keeps fans hoping that Fisher scores more goals so that they can look at Underwood jump up and down in her box suite.
Runners up:
Mike Comrie: Dating former child star, who has turned into a very attractive young lady, Hilary Duff.
Dion Phaneuf: Dating former Popular Mechanics for Kids host who was also in The Girl Next Door, Elisha Cuthbert.

The “Retire Already” Award
Awarded to the player who is still playing despite the fact that they should have retired several years ago.
Winner: Chris Chelios
The NHLEF is proud to present this award to NHL journeyman, Chris Chelios. Chelios has only played for three NHL teams, but he has been playing in the NHL since 1983, and has a total of 26 NHL seasons under his belt. This regular season he only managed to play 28 games and rack up 1 whole point, which was an assist. At 47 years of age it is quite conceivable that his son could be playing against him in the NHL. We don’t if he has a son or not, but we are just trying to show how old he is. Also, at the time the authors of the NHLEF were born, Chelios already had 4 and ½ season under his belt. This guy has got to call it a career.
Runners up:
Claude Lemieux: Took a few years off and decided to play hockey again for the Sharks. Should have just stayed home Claude.
Mats Sundin: Should have left his big bald head in Sweden instead of embarrassing himself and the Vancouver Canucks.

The “Television Personality of the Year (for the wrong reasons)” Award
Awarded to the individual who irritates colleagues and fans at home on a consistent basis.
Winner: Pierre McGuire
The NHLEF is proud to present this award to the bald, loud, and generally unpleasant TSN personality, Pierre McGuire. He is known for outlandish and incorrect comments and this season was no exception. Whether it was an awkward man love interview with Zach Parise or flipping at the World Junior Championships after a save by team Canada goaltender, Dustin Tokarski, Pierre made hockey fans laugh and wanting to throw a wig with a brick in it at him while he is in between the benches.
Runners up:
John Tortorella: His refusal to partake in the TSN Quiz made hockey fans and James Duthie go mad.
P.J. Stock: Already hated because of his terrible game updates and analysis on Hockey Night in Canada, became even more hated when he tried to grow his very own playoff beard.

The “Most Terrible Decision” Award
Awarded to the player who regrets what they did in the past season.
Winner: Sean Avery and Marian Hossa
The NHLEF is proud to present this award to both Hossa and Avery.
Marian Hossa deserves this award because of his brilliant decision to leave Pittsburgh and join the Red Wings in order to win the Stanley Cup. Much to the delight to hockey fans everywhere, Hossa did not only not win a cup, and was also forced to lose to the team in which he decided to give the middle finger to in the off season. He said he had no regrets after he lost game 7, this is clearly a lie.
Sean Avery also deserves to win this award because of his disturbing and somewhat hilarious remarks about Dion Phanuef and Elisha Cuthbert. Not only did he say these things, but he decided to call over all of the Calgary media to tell them just that. The aftermath resulted in Avery being suspended, forced to go to some anger management retreat, placed on waivers by the Dallas Stars, then acquired by the Rangers, and forced to supply tips to John Torterella on how to deal with rambunctious fans (yelling and squirting water at them). Needless to say, those remarks about Dion and Elisha were indeed a terrible decision.
Runners up:
Those two took the cake; no one else came close to winning this award.

Those are our awards for the 2008/2009 season. Only one Russian and a couple of Slovaks won awards. The rest are Canadian boys, because we are the best. Have your own ideas for awards? We want to hear them. Stay tuned for more NHLEF posts this offseason, the NHL might be over for the summer, but the NHLEF is just getting started.

New NHL Coaches!

With the off-season looming and more and more teams, fans, and players losing interest in the Stanley Cup Playoffs because it’s no different from last year, teams will be looking to improve their organizations for next season. In particular, most of the less than stellar teams (Tampa Bay, NY Islanders, Avalanche, you can pay attention now) are looking for new coaches. Thanks to Canada’s great and reliable media outlets such as Rogers Sportsnet, fans are flooded with rumour after rumour about possible coaches and possible destinations for those coaches. Patrick Roy’s name was mentioned to be heading to the Colorado Avalanche, because Andrew Raycroft and Peter Budaj are that bad. Mark Messier was apparently heading to the New York Rangers, because Glen Sather is still stuck in the late 80s and early 90s. Larry Robinson was also rumoured to be the next bench boss in Montreal, because he won some cups in the 70s, and therefore he “knows how to win in Montreal.” As silly as these men sound, we at the NHLEF feel that we can create even more laughable and outlandish coaching candidates who have played in the NHL at some point in their lives. Here are some of our picks:

Brent Gretzky
The brother of Wayne Gretzky, who is quite arguably the greatest hockey player of all time, Brent got pushed to the side in the hockey world and at family reunions. Clearly not as good at hockey as Wayne is, he does not have as much money as Wayne does, and I am sure his wife is not as good looking as Wayne’s wife, but he is still a Gretzky. And in the hockey world, that will get you places. He was part of a whopping 13 games over his 2 year career in the NHL. He netted 1 goal and 3 assists for a total of 4 NHL points. He is a career –2 and has a total of 2 penalty minutes. Needless to say, he is an all around performer. And unlike his infamous brother, Brent spent his entire career with one team, the illustrious Tampa Bay Lightening. He would undoubtedly make a great NHL coach, or at least a better coach than his brother, because let’s face facts Wayne’s time in Phoenix has been anything but memorable. Sure, the only reason he would get hired is because he is Wayne’s brother, similar to the reason why he was drafted in 1992 in the 3rd round, but once he gets behind that bench, he would ultimately show his brother what’s what. Maybe he could take over Wayne’s coaching job, which would provide for some Thanksgiving dinner entertainment at the Gretzky household. Therefore, Brent should be the next coach for the Phoenix Coyotes.

Bill Muckalt
Bill Muckalt busted onto the NHL scene when he was part of one of the most hysterical trades in NHL history. Muckalt came to the Ottawa Senators from the New York Islanders along with an up and coming (benefit of hindsight: at the time he was a massive goon) defenseman named Zdano Chara and a 1st round pick, which was 2nd overall, who turned out to be none other than Jason Spezza, in exchange for the money loving Russian, Alexi Yashin. At the time, it was said to be a deal that worked for both teams, but everyone knows that this is hilariously untrue, seeing as Chara is a perennial Norris Trophy candidate, Spezza puts up 90 point seasons and embarrasses Sheldon Souray, and Yashin now playing in some Russian beer league because he was bought out by the Islanders. Somehow Alexei wasn’t even good enough for the present day team, who finished dead last in the NHL. Muckalt has since retired from hockey but had a memorable career nonetheless, even though he is not a household name. He has spent time with the Vancouver Canucks, the New York Islanders, the Ottawa Senators, and the Minnesota Wild. He will be best known for his time in Ottawa, where he played 70 games in the 2001-2002 campaign and managed 8 points, all of which were assists. That’s right, not one goal, you’ve got to feel for the guy a little bit. The following season Muckalt and the Sens parted ways, and Bill signed with the Wild. With the offensive juggernaut Minnesota, Bill found the back of the net like nobodies business, notching 5 goals, 3 assists, and 8 points in the first 8 games of the 2002-2003 Season, an almost Marian Gaborik-like pace. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter he got nailed and missed the rest of the season with a head injury and was forced to retire. But Muckalt left on a high note, and therefore should coach the new generation of NHLers on how to score, because he obviously figured it out. Too bad, as Jojo sings in her top charting tune, too little too late. He would obviously get along with all players if he were to coach. The star players, like Sidney Crosby and Alex Ovechkin, because he was on pace for a phenomenal year point-wise in his last days, but he would also get along with the garbage players, because he knows what it is like not to score for extended periods of time. He would fit right in with players like George Laraque and Steve Begin. Muckalt should become the new coach for the Islanders, because it is a team with a mixture of up and coming young snipers, but also has its far share of guys who would be better suited to playing soccer because of the massive nets.

Tommy Salo
Salo is a Swedish goaltender who served time with the New York Islanders, Edmonton Oilers, and Colorado Avalanche. His career numbers are admiral for a NHL goaltender, racking up 210 wins over his career. However, Salo will be best remembered as the goalie who jumped at a puck that was going over the net, knocking it down, and watching it roll across the goal line in the 2002 Salt Lake Olympic Games for the go ahead goal. Also, the shot was from centre ice, shot by a player on Belarus who was already on the bench when the puck went in, and with about one minute to go in regulation time. It will go down as the largest upset in international ice hockey history, mostly because Canadians don’t remember anything about Team Canada getting shutout by Switzerland in the 2006 Turin Olympic Games. After the loss to Belarus, Salo’s NHL career crashed and burned faster than Sean Avery being suspended for trash talking ex-girlfriends. However, he does know where he went wrong, realizing that jumping for pucks when they are going to sail over the goal is a bad idea. Therefore he should be a coach or at least be a goalie coach to mentor young NHLers on what NOT to do, if you want to be a successful NHL player and/or goaltender. Tommy Salo should become the next coach of the San Jose Sharks, because the Sharks are a team that continue to blow it in the playoffs year after year, and as Salo knows how this feels, he would be able to find a way to reverse this trend.

Juha Ylonen
If you’re asking yourself who the heck this is, you should be ashamed. As well as having the most wildely awesome name in the history of the NHL, Juha Ylonen was an exceptional Finnish center, who was drafted 91st overall in the 1991 Entry Draft by the Winnipeg Jets. Not only was he drafted by a now non-existent team, but he was traded by the Yotes (who the Jets became) to the Lightning for the super-awesome mega All-Star that is Todd Warriner. Don’t know who he is? Yeah, us neither, and we don’t care. After an illustrious career with the Bolts (65 games), he was traded to the Ottawa Senators at the deadline for another high powered forward, Andre Roy. During his 341 NHL career games he managed to collect 26 goals and 76 assists before he was booted across the pond to play for the Espoo Blues, finally matching the best name in hockey with the best team name. But what is the point of all this? Obviously to prove Juha’s extensive credentials in the hockey world. As a perennial trade bust, Ylonen is a prime candidate to take over operations in the Nation’s Capital as they prepare to ship out Heatley and find a pylon to take over for Brian Lee. Ylonen will be right at home with all the overpaid underskilled players the Sen’s have managed to collect, and his Finnish background might allow him to connect with Jarkko Ruutu on something other than a hockey-glove eating level.

Alexandre Daigle
I know, I know, we seem to be picking on former Ottawa Senators excessively here, but with the collection of duds they’ve produced, can you blame us? But back to good ol’ Alex. Back in 1993, Daigle was considered as the best thing to hit the NHL since mullets and bench clearing brawls. However, this was not to be. Despite being drafted first overall in 1993, Daigle did his best to let everyone down. Over his 4 year stint with the Sens he managed to sleep in, whine, whimper, suck, stink and snort as much coke as Wade Redden, Brian McGratton and Ray Emery combined. And the entire time the Senators stank, even with Alexei Yashin. As Daigle’s infamy is so well known I do not feel the need to list his embarrassing NHL stats, but I would like to point out that the only worthy moment in his career was his time spent with the Minnesota Wild where he turned in career high point totals with them. Regardless, after spending his entire career as a self-indulgent, fame-obsessed, childish shmuck, Daigle would be great to return to Ottawa in order to avoid such a situation ever happening again. His actor skills, honed in Hollywood could aid him in his quest to avoid the aggressive Ottawa media and impersonate Brian Murray. Also, in keeping with the tradition of Senators dating hot women, Daigle managed to get his greasy mitts on Pamela Anderson back in her glory days, which is a fairly solid achievement. A little bit better than Carrie Underwood, for example.

So there you have it, the NHLEF’s picks for ex-players who should become coaches. Seeing as TSN, Sportsnet, and the Score will believe just about anything that they read, you might soon see these rumours pop up during your sports highlight viewing time. But remember where you first heard about the rumour, the NHLEF, who will write about anything other than the truth about the National Hockey League. NHLEF OUT.