January 6, 1989- Wow, people are calling me “The Next One” I am so good at hockey.
June 19, 1991- I am the projected 1st overall pick in this years Entry Draft by a land slide!! I am so awesome!
June 20, 1991- Crap, the Nordiques have the 1st overall pick.
June 21, 1991- I will never play for the Nordiques!
June 22, 1991- Crap, I got drafted by the Nordiques.
June 23, 1991- Screw you Nordiques, I am playing in the OHL again until you trade me.
April 29, 1992- 97 goals and 119 assists for a total of 216 points in 95 games played in my career for the Oshawa Generals, I am pretty proud of myself, I am larger than life.
July 4, 1992- Finally got traded, heading to the New York Rangers for Doug Weight, Tony Amonte, Alexei Kovalev, John Vanbiesbrouck, three first round draft picks and $12 million!!
July 5, 1992- Wait, I got traded to the Philadelphia Flyers for Peter Forsberg, Ron Hextall, Chris Simon, Mike Ricci, Kerry Huffman, Steve Duchesne, two first round selections and $15 million cash!
July 6, 1992- I don’t know what team I am on, Quebec, Philly, or New York?!?! The Nordiques do not know how to do anything.
July 14, 1992- I am a Flyer, finally! Have fun in stinky Quebec Peter Forsberg, Ron Hextall, Chris Simon, Mike Ricci, Kerry Huffman, Steve Duchesne!! HAHA
July 20, 1995- Hart Trophy Winner!! I don’t care if the season got cut short, I am still awesome.
September 2, 1995- The Nordiques are moving to Colorado?!?! I would have played there!! Oh well, the team is still brutal. I’ll win I Cup before them.
December 6, 1995- Avalanche acquire Patrick Roy! He is a good goalie. Still won’t help that joke of a team.
May 28, 1996- Eliminated from the Playoffs again. Next year is the year.
June 21, 1996- Crap! Avalanche win the Stanley Cup. That could have been me. I’ll get mine soon.
June 5, 1997- Stanley Cup Finals!! Only four more wins until my Cup!
June 20, 1997- We got swept, there is always next year. Congrats Detroit.
January 5, 1998- I am ranked number 54 on The Hockey News' list of the 100 Greatest Hockey Players of all time!!
February 6, 1998- Bobby Clarke is starting to really grind my gears.
February 23, 1998- Eff you Darius Kasparaitis for giving me a concussion. My head hurts.
April 1, 1999- Ouch my ribs!
April 2, 1999- I had a collapsed lung caused by internal bleeding, Flyers, I really shouldn’t play hockey for awhile. Stop telling me I should. These team doctors are useless.
October 2, 1999- Flyers took my “C” away for bad mouthing the team doctors. I am beginning to dislike this franchise.
November 5, 1999- Ouch my head. Another concussion.
Feburary 7, 2000- Another concussion.
April 27, 2000- I think I need a new helmet…another concussion.
May 20, 2000- I am going to return from my concussion and help beat the New Jersey Devils!!
May 21, 2000- Eff you Scott Stevens!! You gave me another concussion!! I guess I wasn’t ready to return to game action.
May 23, 2000- Eliminated from playoffs, I think my days with Bobby Clarke and Philly are over!!
October 5, 2000- I am sitting out this season until I get traded to Toronto preferably!
June 21, 2001- Crap! Colorado won the Cup, again! I may have made the wrong decision 10 years ago.
August 20, 2001- Traded to New York Rangers!! Not Toronto, but better than Philly. Seeya Bobby Clarke!!
February 23, 2004- Eighth career concussion. Helmets do nothing.
June 25, 2005- I will never win a Cup with the Rangers, I am out of here!
August 5, 2005- I finally get to play for the Leafs!
April 7, 2006- That was a crappy season. I am done with the Leafs.
August 2, 2006- I am going to be playing in Dallas this upcoming season! Comeback and Cup, here I come.
May 1, 2007- Out of the playoffs. Stanley Cups are hard to get. But hey, at least I nailed Kate Hudson!
November 8, 2007- I am done with hockey. I should have stuck with the Nordiques.
NHLEF OUT
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