Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Monday, April 26, 2010
Skiing is cool!
Hi everyone, i'm perianne, and this is my cool new blog. I'm going to write about how much ass I kick on a regular basis. Hint: it's a lot.
There's a slideshow of awesome pics on the side. Mostly of my brother.
There's a slideshow of awesome pics on the side. Mostly of my brother.
Monday, September 21, 2009
The Pre-Season Gong Show - 10 reasons why it’s awesome!
Just in case you live in a cave in Afghanistan (that’s you, Osama), the NHL pre-season has started. And as per usual, everyone is losing their minds over the return of hockey and what each team’s pre-season success or failure means for the upcoming Show. Now, most people realize that pre-season means nothing in terms of team ability in the long run. However, this does not mean that there is no merit to hockey in September. In fact, I have 10 amazing reasons that you should pay attention and watch Sportscentre in the morning.
10 – Something exciting is finally on! No longer do you have to watch lumberjack competitions, Cup-stacking World Cup, or the 11 billionth baseball highlight of someone hitting a ball or someone catching said ball. Those guys are all fakes anyway – if I had to play 162 games in a season, I would be on horse hormones too.
9 – It’s Canadian. There is a grand total of about 6 Canadians in baseball, and 1 team. I think there was a Canadian football player once too, and I hear rumours about a Canadian football league, but I think it’s just a fantasy pool. The return of hockey means ice, beer, beards and good Canadian boys. So lissen up – if you’re Canadian, you will pay attention. If not, you’re a terrorist. And you don’t want to be a terrorist.
8 – Pierre McGuire is still on summer break. This is fantastic news. No between the bench interviews, no drooling over Dion Phaneuf, no comments about how Pierre was working out in the weight room and bench pressed more than Alex Ovechkin – this is about as awesome as TSN gets. Sure, the commentators they do have on are third rate, but at least your eardrums don’t come back bloody and crying.
7 – All the washed up old guys. Where else can you see a 40-year old man attempt to play a professional sport? The best known examples are obviously Theo Fleury and Jason Allison, and they show every pond-hockey playing dad out there that it’s never too late. Allison can barely move on skates, but he’s still chugging along, and Fleury sniped the game winner in the shootout the other night for the Flames. Keep plugging away boys, and careful on those hip checks, you don’t want to break something and end your career. Again.
6 – The young guns. Similar to the above, because teams are trying to judge the skill of the players in the system, you get to see loads of talent that is usually hiding in the minors. Whether you’re watching a young goalie being humiliated by the opposing team’s first line snipers, a struggling 19-year old forward who has barely hit puberty trying to skate around grown men, or a crazy power forward throwing illegal hits on veterans, the kids always put on a good show.
5 – Enthusiastic crowds. Often pre-season games are held in non-NHL cities with fans who rarely get the chance to see an NHL game. These fans are so juiced that you can actually hear them react to action on the ice, unlike your average night at the ACC. With cheaper tickets, it allows those with lower income but greater team spirit and fewer inhibitions to be fanatic. And who doesn’t like a good riot?
4 – A reason to drink beer without looking like an alcoholic. Hockey exists simply so you can ration your beers to x number per period. If you’re a one-per-period guy, than you seem reasonable. If you’re a five-per-period guy, you’re a little more hardcore. If you’re a ten-per-period, you should probably enter AA. And if you have a period, you’re probably not reading this website.
3 – Fights! Often there are more fights per period in pre-season than in an entire NHL game. Young kids trying to make the team tend to square off against other young aspiring tough guys, and good tilts often result. Or against Mike Comrie, who dropped the mitts with some random dude who is probably never going to make the NHL. Oil Country was disillusioned and disappointed with Mike not too long ago, but it’s amazing what a few punches to the face can change.
2 – It’s not school! With the start of September comes a return to the grind. Classes, readings, taking notes, quizzes, odd teachers who either hate your guts or expect you to be the next Albert Einstein – all stress simply melts away, and you can simply enjoy some decent hockey.
1 – Dion Phaneuf’s hit on Kyle Okposo. Unreal. If you haven’t seen it, go to YouTube right now. Possibly a headshot, but without an official league ruling, we’re going to call it legit, and tell you to watch it multiple times. Something to try in your local beer league, for sure.
NHL-EF Legal Disclaimer: Please do not take anything we write as an acceptable course of action for your own life. Meant to be humorous dialogue rather than words to live by. That being said, we're not making you sign a waiver, so do what you want. NHL-EF OUT!
10 – Something exciting is finally on! No longer do you have to watch lumberjack competitions, Cup-stacking World Cup, or the 11 billionth baseball highlight of someone hitting a ball or someone catching said ball. Those guys are all fakes anyway – if I had to play 162 games in a season, I would be on horse hormones too.
9 – It’s Canadian. There is a grand total of about 6 Canadians in baseball, and 1 team. I think there was a Canadian football player once too, and I hear rumours about a Canadian football league, but I think it’s just a fantasy pool. The return of hockey means ice, beer, beards and good Canadian boys. So lissen up – if you’re Canadian, you will pay attention. If not, you’re a terrorist. And you don’t want to be a terrorist.
8 – Pierre McGuire is still on summer break. This is fantastic news. No between the bench interviews, no drooling over Dion Phaneuf, no comments about how Pierre was working out in the weight room and bench pressed more than Alex Ovechkin – this is about as awesome as TSN gets. Sure, the commentators they do have on are third rate, but at least your eardrums don’t come back bloody and crying.
7 – All the washed up old guys. Where else can you see a 40-year old man attempt to play a professional sport? The best known examples are obviously Theo Fleury and Jason Allison, and they show every pond-hockey playing dad out there that it’s never too late. Allison can barely move on skates, but he’s still chugging along, and Fleury sniped the game winner in the shootout the other night for the Flames. Keep plugging away boys, and careful on those hip checks, you don’t want to break something and end your career. Again.
6 – The young guns. Similar to the above, because teams are trying to judge the skill of the players in the system, you get to see loads of talent that is usually hiding in the minors. Whether you’re watching a young goalie being humiliated by the opposing team’s first line snipers, a struggling 19-year old forward who has barely hit puberty trying to skate around grown men, or a crazy power forward throwing illegal hits on veterans, the kids always put on a good show.
5 – Enthusiastic crowds. Often pre-season games are held in non-NHL cities with fans who rarely get the chance to see an NHL game. These fans are so juiced that you can actually hear them react to action on the ice, unlike your average night at the ACC. With cheaper tickets, it allows those with lower income but greater team spirit and fewer inhibitions to be fanatic. And who doesn’t like a good riot?
4 – A reason to drink beer without looking like an alcoholic. Hockey exists simply so you can ration your beers to x number per period. If you’re a one-per-period guy, than you seem reasonable. If you’re a five-per-period guy, you’re a little more hardcore. If you’re a ten-per-period, you should probably enter AA. And if you have a period, you’re probably not reading this website.
3 – Fights! Often there are more fights per period in pre-season than in an entire NHL game. Young kids trying to make the team tend to square off against other young aspiring tough guys, and good tilts often result. Or against Mike Comrie, who dropped the mitts with some random dude who is probably never going to make the NHL. Oil Country was disillusioned and disappointed with Mike not too long ago, but it’s amazing what a few punches to the face can change.
2 – It’s not school! With the start of September comes a return to the grind. Classes, readings, taking notes, quizzes, odd teachers who either hate your guts or expect you to be the next Albert Einstein – all stress simply melts away, and you can simply enjoy some decent hockey.
1 – Dion Phaneuf’s hit on Kyle Okposo. Unreal. If you haven’t seen it, go to YouTube right now. Possibly a headshot, but without an official league ruling, we’re going to call it legit, and tell you to watch it multiple times. Something to try in your local beer league, for sure.
NHL-EF Legal Disclaimer: Please do not take anything we write as an acceptable course of action for your own life. Meant to be humorous dialogue rather than words to live by. That being said, we're not making you sign a waiver, so do what you want. NHL-EF OUT!
Monday, September 7, 2009
Phoenix Coyotes Telemarketing
A 37 year old man is about to sit down and enjoy his diner with his wife and two young boys, aged 8 and 10. Just as he begins to say “So how was everyone’s day?” the telephone rings…
“Hello”
“Good evening, I am calling on behalf of the Phoenix Coyotes organization and we are wondering if you would like to purchase tickets for the upcoming 2009/2010 season?”
“What are the Phoenix Coyotes?”
“They are a local National Hockey League team.”
“Oh, yes. I heard they were moving from Hamilton to here last week.”
“No, you have it backwards.”
“So the team is moving to Hamilton?”
“We don’t think so.”
“So why did you say it was backwards?”
“Well there were rumors that Jim Balsilie was going to buy the team and move it to Hamilton.”
“So the team is moving to Hamilton.”
“No, not at the moment.”
“But they can at some point?”
“I guess they can move at some point, but the league is trying its hardest to keep the team in Phoenix.”
“Oh ok, I guess that clears that up, thanks for calling.”
“Wait! Would you be interested in buying season tickets?”
“I don’t know, I only know a few players in the NHL, did the team acquire any big names for this season?
“Lauri Korpikoski was the teams big signing”
“I have never heard of her.”
“Lauri Korpikoski is a man.”
“Oh, so the top player has the same name as my wife?”
“I suppose so.”
“Is this some kind of joke?”
“No, Lauri Korpikoski is a legitimate NHL player who has loads of potential.”
“I find that hard to believe”
“You better believe it, this team is the real deal.”
“How many tickets have you sold so far?”
“We sold tickets to all the fans that rallied for the team to stay in Phoenix.”
“When was that? How many is that?”
“It was a couple of months ago at the teams’ official pub. We sold about 75 tickets.”
“Oh ya, I thought that was a small family reunion of some sort, with all of the matching shirts and all.”
“Those are the team jerseys.”
“Really? For a family reunion they weren’t bad, but a professional sports team…”
“So what do you say? Wanna buy some tickets?”
“I don’t know, it sounds like not many people are interested in this team. Why is the team staying here?”
“To satisfy the fans of Phoenix.”
“All 75?”
“75 is being modest, I am sure there are more.”
“I think you should let that Jim Silly fellow buy the team and move it to Canada, they enjoy hockey I think.”
“Don’t you want to have a hockey team in the city of Phoenix?”
“I honestly want to have diner with my family right now.”
“I’ll tell you what sir; I will throw in 20 pairs of free tickets if you buy one set of tickets now.”
“I don’t think I am interested, sorry.”
“Well thank you for your time. And keep supporting the Coyotes!”
“What are the Coyotes?”
“The hockey team we have been discussing.”
“Oh sorry, yes, it’s just such a strange name for a sports team. What’s next the Ducks? HAHA”
“There is a team named the Ducks.”
“What?!?!”
“Yes, in Anaheim.”
“A team in Anaheim? Doesn’t hockey require ice?”
“Yes.”
“This is getting ridiculous.”
“So what do you say? Wanna buy some tickets?”
“To Ducks games? Are they going to be moving to Hamilton?”
“No, but sir…”
“Put me down for a pair of tickets, my son enjoys the Disney Mighty Ducks films.”
“Oh…ok…I will make that pair for the game between… the Anaheim Ducks…and…the Phoenix Coyotes.”
“Great.”
“Thank you for your time sir.”
“Thank you.”
NHLEF OUT!
“Hello”
“Good evening, I am calling on behalf of the Phoenix Coyotes organization and we are wondering if you would like to purchase tickets for the upcoming 2009/2010 season?”
“What are the Phoenix Coyotes?”
“They are a local National Hockey League team.”
“Oh, yes. I heard they were moving from Hamilton to here last week.”
“No, you have it backwards.”
“So the team is moving to Hamilton?”
“We don’t think so.”
“So why did you say it was backwards?”
“Well there were rumors that Jim Balsilie was going to buy the team and move it to Hamilton.”
“So the team is moving to Hamilton.”
“No, not at the moment.”
“But they can at some point?”
“I guess they can move at some point, but the league is trying its hardest to keep the team in Phoenix.”
“Oh ok, I guess that clears that up, thanks for calling.”
“Wait! Would you be interested in buying season tickets?”
“I don’t know, I only know a few players in the NHL, did the team acquire any big names for this season?
“Lauri Korpikoski was the teams big signing”
“I have never heard of her.”
“Lauri Korpikoski is a man.”
“Oh, so the top player has the same name as my wife?”
“I suppose so.”
“Is this some kind of joke?”
“No, Lauri Korpikoski is a legitimate NHL player who has loads of potential.”
“I find that hard to believe”
“You better believe it, this team is the real deal.”
“How many tickets have you sold so far?”
“We sold tickets to all the fans that rallied for the team to stay in Phoenix.”
“When was that? How many is that?”
“It was a couple of months ago at the teams’ official pub. We sold about 75 tickets.”
“Oh ya, I thought that was a small family reunion of some sort, with all of the matching shirts and all.”
“Those are the team jerseys.”
“Really? For a family reunion they weren’t bad, but a professional sports team…”
“So what do you say? Wanna buy some tickets?”
“I don’t know, it sounds like not many people are interested in this team. Why is the team staying here?”
“To satisfy the fans of Phoenix.”
“All 75?”
“75 is being modest, I am sure there are more.”
“I think you should let that Jim Silly fellow buy the team and move it to Canada, they enjoy hockey I think.”
“Don’t you want to have a hockey team in the city of Phoenix?”
“I honestly want to have diner with my family right now.”
“I’ll tell you what sir; I will throw in 20 pairs of free tickets if you buy one set of tickets now.”
“I don’t think I am interested, sorry.”
“Well thank you for your time. And keep supporting the Coyotes!”
“What are the Coyotes?”
“The hockey team we have been discussing.”
“Oh sorry, yes, it’s just such a strange name for a sports team. What’s next the Ducks? HAHA”
“There is a team named the Ducks.”
“What?!?!”
“Yes, in Anaheim.”
“A team in Anaheim? Doesn’t hockey require ice?”
“Yes.”
“This is getting ridiculous.”
“So what do you say? Wanna buy some tickets?”
“To Ducks games? Are they going to be moving to Hamilton?”
“No, but sir…”
“Put me down for a pair of tickets, my son enjoys the Disney Mighty Ducks films.”
“Oh…ok…I will make that pair for the game between… the Anaheim Ducks…and…the Phoenix Coyotes.”
“Great.”
“Thank you for your time sir.”
“Thank you.”
NHLEF OUT!
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